We made it! We left Bellingham in Washington last Saturday morning and arrived in Western Massachusetts Tuesday afternoon. It took us three and a half days to cross 12 states, we only stopped overnight twice and then drove nearly 30 hours from Sioux Falls in South Dakota to Massachusetts. My cat was absolutely amazing, he just kind of resigned himself to life in a truck and spent hours on my lap, sleeping or looking out of the window. Which I loved because although he is very affectionate he is not normally a lap cat. But in the truck that was one of his favorite places and I was happy to make him feel safe and comfortable that way.

What we had thought to be overheated brakes turned out to be a very bad tire. In fact, we are amazed that we drove 2,000 miles with that tire! The rental company should have never given us that truck in this condition. When we first picked it up we noticed a slight wobble while driving, but we are not experienced truck drivers so thought that this was normal. Until we hit the mountain passes, that is, which scared the sh** out of us! But even there we thought it was ‘just’ overheated brakes that caused the scary bumpy downhill ride. My husband was ultra careful on all subsequent passes and had such tight control of the steering wheel that I barely felt the continued rumbling of the vehicle. However, when we stopped for gas somewhere in Iowa he noticed a strange pattern on one of the front tires and realized that it was “cupping”, i.e. it had a wavy surface and was worn out across the thread (see photo below.) At this point the handling of the truck had also gotten a lot worse and the ride much bumpier. It was one of those things: we were under a self-imposed timeline to make it to Mass as quickly as possible, we were sick of the road and just wanted to get home. But we also agreed that we did not want to compromise our safety and so I called the Penske emergency number and was given the location of a service center about 1.5 hours away. And we didn’t arrive there soon enough as the tire deteriorated quickly from here on! When the mechanic saw it he shook his head in disbelief that we had gotten as far as we did; he said that we wouldn’t have lasted another hour. They put on two new front wheels, checked the brakes which were fine, and what a difference it made! We still had about 20 hours of driving left and the truck sailed along smoothly and without further problems. Mind you, my nerves were quite frayed from the overall experience and I never completely relaxed for the remainder of this trip. This was not helped by 100s of crazy cowboy drivers in their monster trucks who kept overtaking us at high speed, especially at night this was a little freaky. But my husband got us home safe and alive. I have never felt so relieved in my life as I did when we finally pulled into our road.

And now I am home. In my husband’s cute little rental house where most of my furniture will have to stay in the basement but I don’t mind. Over the next couple of weeks I will add those things that fit in and make the house into a cozy and comfortable home for us. Eventually we want to either buy or build a house but we are not in a rush. It feels strange driving along the familiar roads and I am still reeling a little from the intensity of this transition. But my heart is calm and sure and happy. And tomorrow I am going to unpack my wardrobe boxes because my husband says that he won’t believe I am staying until I stop living out of my suitcase and start keeping my clothes in the closet. Never mind that I have already started moving furniture around and gotten out my lamps and candles! Ambience before vanity :)

Below are some photos from the trip; they were mostly taken while driving, the first half with my Canon Powershot, the rest with the Nikon D80. Sightseeing was obviously not on our mind and I missed out large parts of Montana and all of Wyoming because my batteries had died. But I hope you enjoy the ones I did take!

Windmills in Eastern Washington. The ‘cloud’ effect was caused by my pillow on the dashboard!

No, not a tornado as I wrongly assumed, feeling slightly panicked. Just a dustdevil.

Driving into the rain, still in Washington State.

Crossing the mountains in Idaho.

Exit 0 indeed. This is the pass that nearly killed us, thanks to the bad tire.

Even gentle slopes like these caused my stomach to knot up. Somewhere in Montana.

The Rockies in Montana.

The fog is slowly lifting, in my head, too …

… as we drive through more gentle hills.

Filling up in South Dakota. I also stopped at this gas station during our east-west road trip two years ago!

Crossing the Mississippi in Sioux Falls, SD, where we stayed for the night.

Continuing on the next day through Minnesota.

Windmills somewhere in Minnesota.

Iowa farm fields.

Thank goodness Iowa is mostly flat!

What the infamous tire looked like after 2,000 miles.

Cool cars and trailers in Iowa.

They were Canadians doing a ‘Coast to Coast Tour 2010.’

Driving into the sunset somewhere in Illinois or Indiana.

Driving through the night was worth it for seeing the sun rise like a giant red fireball somewhere in Pennsylvania.

Early morning near Buffalo, NY.

Crossing the Hudson River in Albany, NY.

A familiar sight, we were constantly overtaken by huge trucks.

Another familiar sight; we went through every single road construction on I-90 from beginning to end.

I still can’t believe how good he was during our long 30-hour stretch. The most amazing travel companion.

One of his favorite spots where he just chilled out and enjoyed the views.

It’s beginning to look like home.

We are almost there.

The beginning of the Masspike just after Albany, NY.

Only 40 more miles to go, out of 3,077!

Don’t let this peaceful photo fool you; it’s been an eventful few days! As I write this it is after midnight in a hotel room in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I just had a nice long shower and am finally feeling the stress of the last few days ease off me. The cat explored our little suite, drank some water and just settled down next to me on the bed, purring and rubbing his face into my arm. He has been the most amazing travel companion and my husband and I are in awe of how he’s been handling the long days in the truck, no meowing, no jumping around, just mostly sleeping happily and without any sedation under my seat or on my lap (my husband is doing all the driving.) And let there be no doubt, when I say long days I mean 12 hours of driving yesterday and 14 hours today. That’s how we made it half way across the US in two days and let me tell you, I am glad to have made it here alive! I never thought that a road trip could be so scary! Let me explain it in my husband’s words: “Don’t drive across the steep continental divide at night in the rain in a heavy truck with bad brakes and pulling a car carrier!” As we drove through the Rocky Mountains in Idaho and Montana yesterday we had to cross at least four mountain passes, you know the kind, with lots of warning signs for trucks to check their breaks and 6% grades downhill! I have never ever been so scared in a car, this was almost worse than a turbulent flight. After the first mountain pass caught us by surprise and we barely made it down in one piece because the brakes overheated, my husband thankfully navigated the others with the same care and skill that he uses when he flies small planes. Which didn’t keep me from becoming the worst backseat driver ever, constantly asking him to slow down while gripping the dashboard in sheer terror. He took it very well and calmly talked me through all the steep and curvy slopes. For me this experience put a completely different spin on our trip and I only started to relax once we had left the mountains behind us which happened some time this afternoon. Tomorrow we are going to try and push through to Massachusetts. Of course this was not the original plan but my husband has to be back in Boston for business on Wednesday and this way he doesn’t have to fly out there in the middle of our trip. Now that we know the cat can handle it we are both keen to just get back home and spend the rest of the week there rather than on the road. It makes me so happy that this is not the kind of trip where we eventually return to our homes on opposite coasts ~ from now on I am waking up next to my husband every day :)

Wall art by my parents. Taken on August 18, 2010.

Today was a restless day. I came home from my (last ever!) 24-hour shift, feeling kind of exhilarated and relieved but also exhausted. There is so much to do over the next ten days yet all I did was doodle around and procrastinate. Half way through the day it hit me: I was just damn tired. That’s what these shifts do to me, especially when they are super busy ones as was the case yesterday. A part of me still thinks that it is perfectly normal to work 16 intense hours in a stretch with one 20-minute break if you are lucky, catch a few hours of sleep, and then go into the next day doing all the things that need to be done at home with energy and vigor. But who am I kidding. I have known for a long time how I feel after these long days at work and today was no exception. I think a part of me is just so excited about the move and while the adrenalin does its bit to keep me going, I simply hit a wall today.

Tomorrow is my last day at the hotel, a 12-hour shift followed by drinks with my colleagues and my boss. And then I will start packing. My husband arrives next Wednesday and I hope to get most of it done by then. We leave for the east coast in just over a week and in just over four weeks I am starting my new job, something I am really looking forward to. Alas, for now I am still very much here and making the most of enjoying the area while the weather is so nice.

Some of my restlessness has also been over this blog. I am just not sure where I want to go with it. Feeling kind of stuck. This is partly because more people from my professional life have ‘discovered’ it and I am not sure where that leaves my tendency to use this blog as my free online therapist! It’s a longstanding paradox of mine that I have no problem sharing intimate details with complete strangers in cyberspace but hesitate to do so with certain people who know me in real life. I know that it is precisely my openness and willingness to be vulnerable that attracts most of my readers, yet I can’t help but feel a little exposed. Alas, I am not going to solve this dilemma tonight. Did I say that I was tired? Night night.

: I drove up to Ferndale to take some photos of Mt. Baker.

: I noticed the above mural while driving through Ferndale.

: the temps soared into the 80s/30s !

: I spent two hours at the dentist for a crown replacement. Ouch. (Both for my mouth and my finances.)

: my husband and I talked a lot about the kind of home we would like to live in. We love modern designs.

: I took some photos of my cat; haven’t done that in a while! He is quite photogenic, don’t you think?

: my vacuum cleaner broke so I borrowed a commercial one from the hotel. It worked so much better.

: I am looking forward to two BBQ’s with friends in Canada before I leave.

: my moving boxes arrived! I will probably start packing next week.

: I am going to bed early because guess what? I am doing a 24 tomorrow!

No complaints though about the 24; I swapped with the new supervisor who was hired from within, so I am doing her shifts which means that I only have two and a half 24-hour shifts to go. That’s fine with me as it gives me more days in between to get myself organized for the big move.

It’s all good. Have a good night :)

About a month ago I was pacing up and down my apartment, agonizing over the decision ahead of us. Should I go back to New England or wait at least another year until my husband could join me on the west coast? We had been going back and forth on this for a while, each option had its own unique pros and cons, and the tension of our indecisiveness was taking its toll on us. On this particular day at the beginning of July I finally gave up. I threw my hands up in the air and cried out to the Universe: “I don’t know what to do. Please. Give me a sign.” Five minutes later a friend from the east coast, who I hadn’t heard from in a while but who knew that I was considering coming back, emailed me two job listings at the college where I used to work. I guess you could call that a sign! Later that day I made my decision to return to Massachusetts and told my husband that this was final, we were not going to change our minds again.

Well, today I am happy to tell you that I was offered one of the jobs in my friend’s email! To say that I am thrilled is an understatement! Applying for this position was such a long shot, given that I am still on the west coast and therefore unable to interview in person, plus they were looking for someone asap and I am not going to be available before mid-September. What unfolded was nothing short of amazing. My former college professors as well as my current manager rallied around me and dazzled with wonderful references and recommendations. I feel so humbled at all the nice things they said about me. And the college went out of their way to facilitate the long distance and interviewed me over the course of three days via phone and Skype. Thank goodness for technology! Skype worked a treat and put a different spin on my preparations, such as considering the background and lighting. Overall it was an intense but also strangely enjoyable process, I think because all of us felt a little tickled by doing it this way, plus I immediately felt comfortable with everyone I met during the interviews.

I cannot tell you how much it means to me to already have a job lined up for my return to New England. And not just any job but one that I think I will enjoy very much, and with an employer who I loved working for before. The economy is still tough out there so I am not taking any of this for granted, I am rather feeling very grateful and fortunate. Mind you, it wasn’t just luck that got me this job, the credentials that helped me succeed are a direct result of working hard and smart over these last few years. I have a feeling that a lot of my experience, skills and professional fulfilment will come to fruition in this new role.

When I made that final decision a month ago it felt so right in my heart. And looking at how things are beginning to fall into place (I also found someone to take over the lease of my apartment – remember, I only moved here two months ago, see first post!) is like a re-affirmation that we are indeed on the right path, as it continues revealing itself with every step we take.

Getting ready to land. Still the best part of the flight!

It starts days before. I will go about my daily business with a heightened sense of alertness and anxiety. The thought of the flight is never far from the surface. Neither are the vivid pictures of crashing, panic and pain. Apparently that’s what an Enneagram Type Nine does in times of stress: we move to the fear based Type Six. Whatever. All I know is that I regularly need to stop myself when the dark and fearful thoughts take over my mind and body. Sometimes I give myself a symbolic slap in the face, so to wake myself from the vicious circle of gloomy thoughts in my head, other times I try kindness and surrender.

For most of us fear of flying is an irrational manifestation of deeply buried anxieties that have nothing to do with flying and everything to do with what is going on in our lives and how we feel about ourselves. Flying actually remains one of the safest forms of transport and there are fewer accidents than ever, mostly thanks to improved aviation technology. In my case the fear is even more irrational because I used to be a flight attendant who loved flying. I remember listening to the teacher in our training class telling us that a small number of flight attendants develop fear of flying throughout their career, and thinking “that doesn’t make sense, why would you ever be afraid of this, especially if it is your job?” Now I totally get it.

If you face a fear often it will become less demanding and I have known this to be true. Two years ago I took a lot of flights and with every one I felt better about it. But the opposite is also true. My last flight was in November 2009 when I went to London and Cologne, that’s almost eight months ago, a long time for me to not have been traveling. So when my husband surprised me with the tickets to L.A. last weekend I felt the familiar knots tangle up in my stomach and spent a good amount of time inside my head scaring myself silly. Once I got to the airport the sense of familiarity with that environment went a long way to provide some comfort; the same goes for being on the plane. It is funny to me how little the airline’s routines have actually changed once you are in the air and I recognize most every movement by the crew as well as the aircraft.

And sometimes I even end up enjoying the flight as a feeling of calm settles within me once the plane has reached its final altitude. I always try to get a window seat as I love looking out and it makes a huge difference to me if the weather is clear and I can see the ground. It makes me feel more connected and somehow that comforts me. The weather, as you can see, during my flights last weekend was spectacular. A little hazy at times but mostly clear skies and amazing views. I purposefully asked for window seats on the left side so that I could see the mountains on my way down to L.A. and the islands on my way back. It worked a treat! I hope you enjoy the photos, all taken with my trusted little Canon Powershot :)

Take-off at Bellingham airport. I flew with Allegiant Air which was a very stressfree way of getting down to California.

Fairhaven, Lake Whatcom and Mount Baker.

Fairhaven is located in southern Bellingham and hosts the terminal for the Alaska Ferry which you can see here.
Do you see those large white harbor buildings? My hotel is just behind that.

Mount Rainier south of Seattle. Seeing this was a real treat as so often it is covered by clouds.

Flying back from L.A. this was somewhere in Oregon or perhaps southern Washington. Not sure what mountain this is.

Crop Circles somewhere in Oregon or southern Washington.

Puget Sound.

Seattle.

Downtown Seattle. If you look really closely to the right where the red spot is, the Space Needle is to the left of that.

Somewhere north of Seattle.

Washington farmland.

Also somewhere between Seattle and Bellingham.

A river delta.

Anacortes and the San Juan Islands.

The edge of Anacortes and the San Juan Islands.

More San Juan Islands.

Alaska Ferry Terminal in Fairhaven.

These are typical new housing developments in North Bellingham. What I love about this part of town is how all the
cabeling is put underground; there are no ugly overground wires hanging across streets and properties.

This last weekend I had planned on visiting friends in Vancouver and watching the annual fireworks from the 25^th floor of my friend’s downtown apartment. I was looking forward to putting down the top on the little bug ~ the weather here has been stunning ~ and cruising up to my favorite city in the glorious sunshine.

However, on Thursday my husband kept texting me, asking if I wanted to come down to L.A. where he was spending the weekend with his brother’s family who were vacationing there. I felt a little conflicted as my heart was set on Vancouver and enjoying some relaxing girlfriend time, plus there is always my silly fear of flying that causes anxious knots in my stomach. On the other hand I really liked the idea of meeting my husband in California. I always like the idea of spending time with him :) So between all of this and being busy at work interviewing potential candidates for my job I hesitated with my reply. So my husband just went ahead and booked the flight for me! That’s one of the things I love about him, his spontaneity and desire to make things happen so that we can see each other. And the fact that he reserved seats for me in row 22 (my favorite number), to make me feel better about flying.

We had a lovely weekend, only overshadowed by my husband and his brother having an argument that resulted in us doing our own thing on Sunday, rather than spending it with the whole family. This is not the place do go into details but the whole episode was upsetting, especially for my husband who did not deserve this. He is such good and generous man and had gone through considerable trouble and expense to join his brother’s family so that he could show them around Los Angeles. Alas, in the end I was the one who benefited most from his amazing knowledge of the city. And despite the sadness that we both felt we had a wonderful day, savoring the beautiful views from the Griffith Observatory and exploring Mulholland Drive, Hollywood, Santa Monica, Malibu and the canals in Venice. Although I have been to L.A. before I  never took the time to really explore the city and its surrounding areas and I thoroughly enjoyed doing so with my husband. And that’s perhaps what I love most about this man who rarely asks for anything for himself: he gives the gift of experiences and those that we share together are the best :)

I loved the trees in this Hollywood Hills Street.

Griffith Observatory. Well worth a visit.

It was a hazy kind of day. But the views were pretty stunning nonetheless.

On previous visits I have never stayed long enough in L.A. to do any significant sightseeing. So this time the Hollywood sign
was on my list of things I wanted to see. I was very delighted to catch it from the observatory.

On our way to Malibu my husband took me down Hollywood Boulevard. It’s kind of grungy.
But I liked these murals on some of the shop shutters.

Driving down Highway 1 you see interesting things.

Waterfront lunching at the Chart House in Malibu. This was my view from our table.

On the way back through Santa Monica my husband asked whether I had ever been to the canals in Venice.
I hadn’t so I was very happy when he suggested we take a sidetrip to see them. I loved the quirky homes
and the charm of this area.

One of these was our hotel room. After downloading my photos, which were all taken with my Canon Powershot,
I was surprised at their grainy quality. I love this little camera when I am traveling light and it usually
produces pretty good pictures. It only dawned on my as I started writing this post that I took all photos
with an ISO of 800, which was the setting I had used for the evening shot of the moon over L.A.! Doh.

My friend L. and I were messy eaters at our delicious 5-course dinner at the Willows Inn. But when the plates
were cleared away this was revealed! Needless to say, we left with a big smile on our faces.
All photos taken on July 17, 2010.

. . . . .

Since last week’s 28-hour day things have overall been running fairly smoothly at the hotel (notwithstanding a few more hours of emergency housekeeping and a locked out guest due to a broken door lock.) At the weekend I took some spontaneous time off after my friend L. turned up unannounced at my doorstep at 11pm on Friday. We had planned a girlie weekend away next weekend and she had gotten the dates mixed up! She had come down all the way from Vancouver and next weekend was not an option for her so I rearranged my staffing a little and freed up my Sunday. The weather was wonderful and we soaked up lots of sunshine and caught up on girlie chatter.

While I’ve been thinking about my work-life topic nothing all that structured has formulated in my mind so far. What inspired me to want to do a mini series on the subject was actually an article I stumbled upon while searching for something else. It was someone’s definition of the term and it really struck a chord with me:

“A good working definition of Work-Life Balance is …
Meaningful daily Achievement and Enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants:
Work, Family, Friends and Self.“

This sparked a few aha-moments inside my head and if I felt more energetic I would happily share some of the resulting analysis with you. Alas, I am too tired and not quite in the mood. It’s like my mind, which is hyper focused on my job transition and the move, does not want to deal with anything else right now. But that doesn’t mean that I am not interested in your take on the subject! What do you think of this definition?

Oh, and here is another link to an interesting little video (via Lia, a lovely Canadian ‘virtual’ friend who lives in Germany and often shares thought provoking insights and links) that I thought was quite relevant, too!

And now, I guess, it is time for some meaningful Self achievement and enjoyment: sleep! Good night :)

(P.S. I have a phone interview for a job in Massachusetts tomorrow morning ~ this has also been on my mind a lot! My timing for this job is not ideal as they are looking for someone asap but otherwise it’s a great fit for my skills and for what I am looking for. Please keep your fingers crossed for me :)

I took Lynn up to the Red Barn Lavender Farm in Ferndale, WA.

The view from Lummi Island. I am savoring every moment and vista that this beautiful area has to offer.
Do I feel any regrets at leaving all this behind? Not really. I rather feel grateful to have been able to experience
the  Pacific Northwest like this for two years.

The Willows Inn on Lummi Island. Perfect for a romantic getaway. Or dinner with one of your best girlfriends :)
And needless to say: I love the decor! I would love to live in a house like this ~ filled with light & warmth ~ with
my husband one day.

To the right you have the most stunning views across to the San Juan Islands. My photos of the view did not
come out so great but below gives you an idea, nonetheless :)

Wholesome lunch at the Farm to Market Bakery in Edison, WA. Taken on July 14, 2010.

Chuckanut Drive. Taken on July 14, 2010.

Poppies in Edison, WA. Taken on July 11, 2010.

. . . . .

With any luck I just completed my last 24-hour shift! Well, 28-hours to be concise as my colleague called in sick this morning and I had to cover for four hours until my back-up arrived. That’s been my life for the last two years: being on call 24/7, filling in the gaps, trying very hard to create consistency and a sense of responsibility amongst my staff. And I have not been unsuccessful with the latter as my team is a lot more stable these days.

When I introduced 24-hour shifts more than a year ago it was a big change from the traditional morning, evening and night shifts that are the norm in hospitality. I actually borrowed the concept from the healthcare industry where such hours are quite common. And overall it’s been a great success at our little hotel, my current staff love working two 24-hour shifts a week and having five days off. For me it was not so straight forward as I had both 24′s and regular office days, a combination that I increasingly struggled with. The fact is that I spend a minimum of 50 hours at my workplace every week, more during busy times. Being salaried I am not bound to a 40-hour week and what this really means is that my minimum is 40 hours and usually more than that, never less. My last proper vacation was more than a year ago when my husband was here and we just chilled out for a week. I took another week off in November to go to Cologne and London and although I was grateful for the opportunity and happy to be spending time with friends and family, it was also very exhausting. I crammed two weeks worth of activities into six days on top of a 9-hour jetlag, and by the time I returned I was ready for a real vacation. But with only two weeks of annual vacation time there was nothing left. And yes, these things do get a little harder as I get older; shift-work never bothered me in my 20s and quick trips to far flung places made me feel alive rather than tired. Alas, I also had more vacation time to balance it all out.

The limited number of vacation days one is typically entitled to here in the States is a huge issue for me. Just ask my husband who has to listen to my constant complaining about it! But seriously, if you have a busy and stressful job and you only ever get 10-15 days worth of leave time per year, how do you ever get to really switch off and recharge? After nearly two years in a challenging full-time US job I am feeling quite burned out. I don’t know how people do it over here for years and even decades. Of course my husband is one of them and he is an extremely hard worker in a highly demanding job. And you know what? He gets stressed and all that, but he also has a hard time just relaxing. If he had four or six weeks of vacation time I am not sure he would know what to do with that! Maybe that is what happens when you are not used to anything else. But I’ve spent the first 25 years of my professional career with a minimum of 4-5 weeks annual leave, of which I would typically use 3 or 4 weeks for holidays and break one week down for the occasional extended weekend. This has provided me with the necessary amount of time to ensure a positive work-life balance.

Aah, yes. Work-life balance. Those are my magic words. They are not often found in the American vocabulary. Alas, it is what it is. And I have to find a way to make my professional life work for me over here. With that in mind I intend to choose my next job carefully and I already have a couple of potential visions of what that might be.

In the meantime the plan is that I am working regular office days for the remainder of my time at the hotel. They will still be very busy days but it will make me (and my cat!) happy to, hopefully, not have any more long days and overnights away from home.

P.S. This is part one of a mini-series I am planning on the subject work-life balance. What does work-life balance it mean to you?